ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Randomize
