apparently the secret to your success is patron
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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