Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize