10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
