Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
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