I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
