Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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