Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
