I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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