I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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