Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
