But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
