smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
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