My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
