I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
