...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
