You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
