Do you still have your period?
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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