Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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