i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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