they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
