A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
