We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
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