They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
