i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
