just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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