Don't you send me to vm
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
