You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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