I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
id be glad to
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize