At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize