He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
