So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
