I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
