we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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