you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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