Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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