how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
