dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Just cropdusted the office
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
As shirtless as possible
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
