having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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