I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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