I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
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