yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
