My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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