Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
