I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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