Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
