entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
