the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
being pregnant is like rehab
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Randomize
