Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
