Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
