Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
