btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
