How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
