whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
