Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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