there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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