We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize