every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
