You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize