literally had 100 drinks last night.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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