You made me cry and you don't even care
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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