Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
