Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
So much Jack, so little girl.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Randomize
