it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
