im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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