He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
