Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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