I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
