I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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