That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
