I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
