I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
