last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
