You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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