There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
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