so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Actions speak louder than pants.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
