tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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