Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
