Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
