I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
