I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
