then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I currently don't understand fingers.
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