She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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