I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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