Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
