i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
