I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Randomize
