i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
