It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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