HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
