i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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